the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Dick very happy bro
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
