Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
