It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
