I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
