so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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