No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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