Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
