I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
