Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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