So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Is it penis luge time yet?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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