i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
