I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
