the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
