Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Randomize
