Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize