Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
