Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
