So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I deserve this hangover.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
