What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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