So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
