DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize