this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
