I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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