i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
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