He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
