it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
