did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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