Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
