You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
