i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
