i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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