I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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