Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Randomize
