When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
