Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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