2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
