We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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