i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
