You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
