We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
