I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
