i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
