I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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