Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
