meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
