Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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