Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
