matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I will die if light touches me.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
