Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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