Pappa wants mamma naked
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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