I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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