i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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