the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
