my phone needs a breathalizer
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
