it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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