So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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