This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
