Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize