I must be too annoying 4 u.
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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