am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
