would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
