please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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