whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
