I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
