the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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