At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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