So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
