You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
