i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
