I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
