I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
