How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
