I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Drunk is a universal language darling
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